


How You See Me

by girlsinthestars



Category: Chronicles of Narnia - All Media Types
Genre: First Kiss, Fluff, Getting Together, Light Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-04
Updated: 2020-02-04
Packaged: 2021-02-27 22:15:06
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22553101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/girlsinthestars/pseuds/girlsinthestars
Summary: Re-worked the scene before the last battle in Voyage of the Dawn Treader. Featuring: Edmund's insecurities, Caspian's fears, and, most importantly, reassurance for the both of them.
Relationships: Caspian/Edmund Pevensie
Comments: 8
Kudos: 149





	How You See Me

This was not the first time Edmund faced certain death. It definitely wouldn’t be the last if he had any say in it. It wasn’t even the first time he had faced certain death with Caspian at his side. But it felt different. The mist came in the shape of their worst fears. For him in the shape of the White Witch, she still scared him, even now, not because he was afraid of her coming back, but because of what she revealed about himself. She personified all the parts of himself he did his best to grow from, the parts of himself he hated. She reminded him that he was greedy and spiteful and disloyal. All the things he wished he wasn’t. All the things Caspian saw past. And that was the real problem. Caspian was kind and brave and handsome and when he looked at Edmund he never saw greed or spite, he always trusted him, confided in him. Edmund wished he could stay by Caspian’s side, where he could always feel like the best version of himself. 

Sometimes he caught Caspian’s eyes flicking away from him as though he had been watching him, or he felt a touch linger a little longer than necessary, sometimes he wondered if there was a chance Caspian felt the same about him. But he never had the confidence to broach the topic. It was only now, facing the likelihood of one or both of their deaths that he wished so badly he could find that confidence.

“In case we don’t get through… Whatever this is.” Caspian began, his voice breaking Edmund out of his thoughts. “I just… I want you to know…”

Caspian’s gaze dropped to his armour’s buckle, struggling with it rather than finishing his sentence. Edmund didn’t say anything, hoping his silence would be prompt enough.

“I care about you a great deal.” Caspian said at last, looking up from his arm, quickly moving behind Edmund to tighten his chestplate. Edmund tried not to think too much about the way Caspian’s fingers brushed his side through his shirt, or the way he was standing close enough for Edmund to feel his breath on his neck.

“And I you.” He said, hoping his voice remained steady. Caspian stepped away as quick as he had come, moving to the other side of the room.

“You gave up your sword.”

“It wasn’t mine to keep.” Edmund did up the belt on his armour then turned to find Caspian holding Peter’s sword out to him. “But it’s-”

“Peter would want you to have it. I want you to have it.” 

Edmund took the sword slowly. “Thank you.”

“I know… I know you think you don’t deserve it, that you aren’t as worthy as Peter or- or me.” Caspian began, moving closer again. “But you do. You are. You’re the bravest man I know. The most stubborn and sharp and self-sacrificing, and so much more, and I wish more than anything in the world that just for one day you could see yourself the way I do.”

Edmund didn’t dare to breathe. Caspian was so close, holding his gaze like his life depended on it, his expression appearing to be desperately trying to convey some further meaning to his words.

“What are you saying?” Edmund asked, afraid of the answer but needing to know.

“Come on, Ed, do I have to spell it out? You must know.”

“I don’t.” Edmund responded, the need to hear it from Caspian’s mouth in order to believe it burning in his chest. “Please say it.”

“Edmund, I love you. I have loved you for a long time now and I couldn’t go to my grave without you ever knowing.”

Edmund tripped over himself trying to get close enough to kiss Caspian. He wasn’t exactly graceful. But It was Caspian so it was okay. Caspian just giggled quietly and readjusted them so one of his hands was on Edmund’s lower back, pressing him against himself, and his other was holding Edmund’s face. 

“You’re not going to die.” Edmund pulled back long enough to whisper.

“Neither are you.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t- I should have said something sooner.”

“I believe we’re both to blame for that.”

“Still… I just never…”

“You don’t have to explain. I know you had lovers when you were first here. I know you must miss them, must not want to risk that kind of loss again.”

“It’s not just that. I don’t want to leave you here, waiting for me, even though I may not return in your lifetime.”

“And I don’t want to live the rest of my life knowing we had the chance for something amazing, however short, and let it go without even a chance.”

“I would stay.” Edmund said, before he could think about it. As the words left his mouth he knew it was true. “If He let me, I would stay.”

“But your parents, Peter, Susan, your whole life-”

“I’ve never belonged there. Peter and Susan, they’ve always been good people, they’ve always known who they should be, coming to Narnia only made that stronger. For me… Narnia changed everything, it exposed me to myself, I grew, I became the king everyone remembered. And then I had to go home.”

“And you were a child again.” Caspian finished for him.

“I was a child again. I didn’t um… I didn’t really handle it well? I got into fights, I tried to join the army, I couldn’t focus, I always felt like I wasn’t doing enough, like I should be doing something great, like I had to make up for my inherent flaws.”

“You don’t think you’ve redeemed yourself already? You don’t think bringing about the golden age of Narnia was enough?”

“In this world, sure. In this world I’m a hero, I’m King Edmund the Just. But out there? On Earth? I’m just a kid. I’m a stupid, selfish kid, who doesn’t do well in class, is no good for anything-”

“I don’t believe that.” Caspian interrupted, “I don’t care where you are, you are the King I dreamt of as a child, you are the man I fell in love with.”

“And you make me feel like I am. I would stay with you until my death to keep that feeling.”

“Edmund…”

“I know. I know He won’t let me.”

“That’s not what I was thinking. I don’t want you to leave everything behind, I don’t want you to stay here, not for me, not because of me.”

Edmund faltered, taking a step back. “You don’t-”

“I want you to stay, Edmund, of course I do! But you can’t just… You can’t just throw everything away for me!”

“Why not? I’m so sick of people telling me what to do!”

“Because I can’t promise you I’ll always be here! My life is dangerous Edmund, it has to be, if it wasn’t I would be a terrible king! I can’t let you throw away your life for someone who can’t actually be there for you.”

Edmund nearly laughed. “Caspian, Caspian, I love you, but I’ve always wanted to stay in Narnia, Earth has never been my home. You have simply made this more of a home for me. I would never rely entirely on you for happiness, that would not be fair. Besides, I would be at your side, facing every danger alongside you.”

“I could not bear to lose you.”

“And I you. But if I must, if that is our destiny, I’d rather it happen fighting together.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! This is my first Caspian/Edmund fic so hopefully my characterisations were ok. Love rare pairs where making your own content is the only way to get new content.
> 
> Also I don't want to promise anything but I kinda wanna do a follow up to this one, considering it is kinda open ended.
> 
> Find me on tumblr: @girlsinthestars


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